We meet again! You know the routine, take a moment and praise Him! I really almost didn’t make it into this space today. I’m honestly too tired but here I am; staying committed.
Well we’re down to the final days of this insane year. This is typically the time where we begin to reflect, and make resolutions and blah blah blah. I can’t think of the last time I actually made and kept any of my resolutions. You know how that goes… or maybe you don’t.
I like to think that I go into each year, being my best authentic self. Each year I’m the best version of me, that I’ve been thus far. So the “new year, new me” is in fact true. But this year, that’s not my focus.
For 2021, i’m saying new year, new therapist. If there was ever a year to go to therapy, 2020 was it. Surviving having a baby in the middle of a pandemic is a big thing. Congratulations to all of the mothers who did! I realized this, in itself, was traumatic. I had a bit of anxiety leading up to the birth of our son, not really knowing how things were going to go. Then having him a whole month early, and being on lock down, praying and fighting against any sign of postpartum. I knew the only way to get ahead of postpartum was to go to therapy.
And I was so committed to that. Committed to going to therapy, to work through the things I hadn’t yet resolved. More so the things I didn’t understand. It’s important for me to normalize going to therapy. Demonstrating that the healing process sometimes means, going to talk to someone about the hard things, facing oneself, finding healthy ways to express feelings, and so much more.
After all, it’s important to me to heal from childhood and adulthood traumas. Sometimes you just need to process with someone who isn’t swayed by what they know about you. And before the super saints come to tell me that all people need is Jesus, let me be clear in saying, Jesus is the person who gave me revelation of my need to go to therapy.
I was in prayer discussing with God, my past hurts and current frustrations. I remember specifically saying one thing, and I believe God was like “I’m sick of it! Go to therapy,” lol. Ok maybe it didn’t happen like that but God gave me a revelation of why I needed to go back to therapy. So I did just that. I went through my benefits, found a therapist. I had a little anxiety going into it. After all, the therapist I had two years ago was bomb. She set the bar high for anyone else that would ever sit in her seat. I felt we had a great working relationship but because she wasn’t with the group anymore, I had to find a new therapist.
Now, once I got past my anxiety about talking to someone new, I was ready. I committed to going at least once a month sometimes twice a month. After each session I left feeling like I had just provided therapy to myself. Like I had all the answers and my therapist didn’t really have anything to provide. Here and there she provided good suggestions but most of the time it was me piecing together a solution to my perceived problem.
That didn’t work for me. I mean the whole point of me going to therapy was for me to process with someone. Imma need you to talk back to me. lol I need more than the “Uh huh, That’s right, wow.” In our last session, she stated “Man you really got this all figured out.” And honestly it was that statement that ended it for me. Sure, it’s nice to have it figured out, but I’m not virtually sitting in anyone’s chair to feel like we were wasting my time.
So, in 2021, I’ll start my journey over…again. I’ll find another therapist and continue to put in work. For me, 2021 is about putting me first, being consistent and present in all areas of my life, working through the hard things, continue raising God-fearing kids with the right heart, and loving and growing with my husband. Of course I have things I want for me and my family in 2021, and trust when I say we will get them. But first it starts with the core of things.
My friends, I pray you all have a blessed new year. Remember if you can see it, you can have it! Go after EVERYTHING that’s yours; without apologies! I’m rooting for you.
Until next year.